what NOT to ask a pregnant woman

Looking back on my pregnancy, it's interesting to me how much people LOVE pregnant women. I'm not kidding. When people find out you're pregnant it's seriously the most awesome thing in the world to them. People always have such happy things to say when you're pregnant...and they also have a million questions for you as well.

Questions like "How are you feeling?" and "Do you know if you're having a boy or girl?" and "What are you going to name your baby?" are questions you should really get used to when you're pregnant because you will probably hear each of those questions at least a million times a day.

But there are other things people may say to you or ask you that may catch you by surprise. The following is a list of those questions and my reactions to them:

Question/Statement:
"So...is this pregnancy a good thing?"

• How I would have responded if I was mean: No. Absolutely not. It's awful......OF COURSE IT'S A GOOD THING!!!
• My actual response: I seriously have been asked this before by one of the ultrasound technicians at the hospital. I didn't really understand what she was asking at first, but then I realized that she actually probably sees a lot of patients who are NOT happy about having a baby. That makes me a little sad.

Question/Statement:
"Maybe you're having twins!?"

• How I would have responded if I was mean: Well...maybe you should not call me "fat"? Because that's pretty much what you're saying, right? That I look fat enough to be having twins? Nope. That's not twins. That's just one HUGE little butterball and a lot of extra maternal storage tissue, thankyouverymuch.
• My actual response: Nope...just one baby. Not sure if I could handle two.

Question/Statement:
"You look really swollen!"

• How I would have responded if I was mean: Really? Are you sure I'm really swollen? I mean, I didn't notice any swelling when I put on my shoes this morning and could barely squeeze my entire foot into the shoe. And I don't notice any swelling when I stretch my legs and feet and can feel the tightness and strain due to all the bloating. And I certainly don't notice any swelling whenever I cross my legs and see a huge gash from where my leg was resting. And I definitely don't notice any swelling when I look in the mirror. I mean...are you sure I'm really swollen?
• My actual response: Yeah...it totally sucks. My ankles are non-existent now.

Question/Statement:
"You're pregnant? WHAT!? I couldn't even tell!"

• How I would have responded if I was mean: This is pretty much the same as calling me fat. Why? I'll tell you. Firstly, I definitely look pregnant. I mean, I don't normally carry around a belly the size of a watermelon. So, secondly, by saying you can't tell that I'm pregnant, while very nice as a gesture, is pretty much just the same as saying "You look really pregnant, but I'm going to be nice and say that you don't look pregnant at all."
• My actual response: Yep! It's really exciting! Weird...and different. But really exciting!!

Question/Statement:
"Are you really going to eat that whole sandwich/pizza/ice cream?"

• How I would have responded if I was mean: This is pretty much the same as calling me fat, too...and my answer will probably always be "Yes I'm going to eat the whole thing. Do you have a PROBLEM with that?"
• My actual response: Yes I'm going to eat the whole thing. Do you have a PROBLEM with that?

Question/Statement:
"You better enjoy your sleep while you can!"

• How I would have responded if I was mean: Really? And you think I'm enjoying sleep now? With a ginormous belly that prevents me from sleeping in pretty much every position and a bladder that screams to be emptied every hour on the hour? Yeah. Not so much. But thanks for pointing out that I have to look forward to MORE sleeplessness.
• My actual response: Yeah. I'm not sure how that will be, but I'm sure I will not be getting much sleep for awhile.
  

Question/Statement:
"Enjoy your freedom while you can. You know...you can't do _____ with a baby."

• How I would have responded if I was mean: Like heck we can't! We are taking this baby anywhere we want to and doing anything we want to. We will be forming this young little child to our lives, not the other way around. But, once again, thanks for trying to point out something negative about having a child. I really like that. A lot.
• My actual response: Like heck we can't! We are taking this baby anywhere we want to and doing anything we want to. We will be forming this young little child to our lives, not the other way around.
  

Question/Statement:
"Can I touch/rub/kiss your belly?"

• How I would have responded on a bad day: Can I touch/rub/kiss yours? Unless I know you really well and you and me are "tight" like that...don't ask. And speaking of the belly, try not to look at it too much either. I know it's huge. I know it's sticking out there. But when the first thing people do is look straight at my belly fat BEFORE they look at me or say "hi", it's just kind of not cool. I know it's exciting there's a little dude chilling out in my uterus, but my face is up here.
• My actual response: Umm...I would prefer if you didn't. Baby's sleeping right now. :-)
  

Question/Statement:
"How are you feeling?"**

• How I would have responded on a bad day: I'm feeling fine. Well, actually...no I'm not, now that I'm thinking about it. Remember when you told me before how fat I was (when you asked if I was having twins/knew I was so swollen/eating the entire refrigerator/etc.)? Well, yeah...I'm feeling fat. HUGE, actually. And it hurts. I know it's "for a good cause" and I'm "not fat [I'm] pregnant". But it really does hurt. Mostly my knees, actually. So much so that my knees spasm in pain every time I get up or down from a chair/car/bed/floor. And it also hurts because my feet can barely fit into my shoes. Which means: "Yes...I am VERY swollen." And speaking of swelling, did you know that in order to keep swelling down I actually have drink MORE water than normal? This seems kind of ironic since swelling is water retention. But yeah, I'm supposed to drink craploads of water to help keep the swelling from getting worse. Which...yep! You guessed it! Makes me have to pee every hour! It's super fun. Especially when I want to get a good night's sleep but I know that I can't because of how I'm so large, swollen, and filled with pee waiting to explode if I don't get up a million times each night. But the constant peeing is actually not that big of a deal compared to all the gas, acid reflux, hemorrhoids, and stretch marks. I mean, did you know that drinking WATER can give a pregnant lady gas? Yeah...water. And salad can, too. And actually anything that a pregnant lady digests gets turned into gas. An.Y.Thing. And because of all the pressure in the abdomen, bowel movements become less regular and there is so much less space for things, so acid reflux and hemmorhoids are born. And you don't even want me to go into more detail than that. Trust me. So, speaking of gas and hemmorhoids and acid reflux...do you still want to rub my belly and tell me to enjoy sleep and doing things while I can? Yeah. Didn't think so.
• My actual response: I'm feeling fine.

** "How are you feeling?" is actually totally a decent question to ask. I am just being a beotch.

you are my sunshine

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine

you make me happy when skies are grey


you'll never know, dear, how much i love you


please don't take my sunshine away

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let's talk pickles

Joe: I'm gonna have a pickle. Do you want one?

Me: Not really.

[I watch Joe start eating a pickle and start to salivate. I guess I really do want a pickle. But should I admit it?]

Me: Ummm...okay, sure.

[I eat the pickle and immediately regret it.]

Me: Blech! This pickle is nasty!

Joe: Well, it's a zesty pickle. Why did you buy zesty dill pickles?

Me: Well, you're the one who asked for dill pickles. And when I got to the pickle aisle, there were literally a BOJILLION pickle choices. A bojillion brands. A bojillion flavors. And I knew you only like DILL pickles, so finally after WAY too many minutes spent in the pickle aisle, I picked the first jar I saw that said "DILL" on it. So I guess THAT'S why you got zesty dill pickles!

---

So yeah.

I'm not a communist. I'm not necessarily anti-capitalism either. But COME ON, PEOPLE!! Grocery stores are way too big to begin with and it would make shopping so much more fun and so much easier if there weren't a bojillion choices for everything.

I mean, seriously.

Let's talk pickles.

First, there is the type of pickle. You've got dill pickles, kosher dill pickles, bread and butter pickles, sweet pickles, sour pickles, half sour pickles, candied pickles, gherkins, and (apparently) there are also zesty dill pickles.

There are more types of pickles than what's in that short list, but now let's talk about cuts. There are whole pickles, half pickles, pickle spears, sandwich stackers, pickle slices.

Now, really, it's okay that there are different types of pickles and different cuts of pickles. But, now, to ADD to your pickle choices, there is also the pickle brand to consider. Some of the main brands throughout the United States are Vlasic, Claussen, Heinz, and Cain's. And that's not even 10% of the brands in the USA. Each state has their own list of pickle brands and there are also smaller pickle companies trying to cash in on the pickle market.

Is there really the need for this, though?

I mean, a pickle's a pickle. Maybe there are taste and quality variations from brand to brand, but do there really need to be hundreds of pickle types/cut/brands to choose from?

Really?

Think about it.

our beagle, the druggie

Take a look at this picture.

Seriously.

Take a good, long, hard, thoughtful look at this picture and then I'll tell you what you're looking at.

Go ahead.

Take a look.

Okay...done?

Now I'll tell you what this is a picture of.

This, my friends, is a picture of the world's most expensive beagle dog. Literally. Indubitably. Absolutely. 100%. THE. MOST. EXPENSIVE. BEAGLE.

After a long night of stomach issues (diarrhea, vomiting, lack of appetite, lethargy, etc.), coupled with the recent resurgence of hip issues, we felt that something with Lucy was just really not right and didn't want to wait for our follow up appointment at the end of the week. Therefore, we decided to take her to the vet today for the new symptoms.

So Joe took Lucy to the vet while I watched our little munchkin and they did some more bloodwork, took a stool sample, gave her subcutaneous solution to prevent dehydration and gave her medication for nausea. As a result...the bloodwork came back normal. No parvo, no giardia. No apparent infections or issues there. We are still waiting for the valley fever test results, so will know even MORE (or less) once those results are in. But all in all, we know nothing. The vet knows nothing.

So the plan, for now, is to give her:

Sucralfate
anti-ulcer medication to prevent ulcers from all the vomiting

Amoxicillin and Metronidazole
antibiotics to get rid of any intestinal bacteria or disease she may have

Panacur
dewormer medication in case she has worms

And also some probiotic supplements for her food and pain medication (as needed) for her hips.

If you ask me, I think our dog definitely has a drug problem. Why else would she go to these great lengths to get so many medications? What other reason could there be for her incessant need to see the doggie doctor?

Hmmmm...our beagle, the druggie. I think it's time for an intervention.

;-)

While I don't have time (or energy) to discuss the notion of animals having substance abuse issues, I just wanted to illustrate that our beagle is flippin' expensive. Granted...if we didn't give a crap about her, we wouldn't spend anything on her. But when you know something's wrong, you want to make sure you can make it all better, right?

Well, she's obviously got some stomach and pain issues...so hopefully this brief medication period will help.

And if not, then I'm sure I'll write another blog about it.

So stay tuned!

And don't buy dogs from backyard breeders who are only in business for money and to breed dogs for good looks, not for good health.

mission: diagnosis

To: Veterinarians Worldwide

From: Concerned Beagle Parent

CC: All friends, family, doctors, veterinarians, and blog onlookers who happen upon this post by accident

Date: October 12, 2011

Subject: Beagle Illness

---

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to come up with a CORRECT diagnosis for our beagle based upon the following information:

Past Health Issues:

December 2009

• Symptoms - vomiting, diarrhea, loss of appetite, fever, lethargy, enlarged spleen
  
• Test Results - high liver enzymes, low platelet and t-cell counts, bile acid tests normal, valley fever results normal
• Diagnosis - Tick Fever
  
• Treatment - Doxycycline until January 2011
• Comments - Tick fever treatment stopped with latest results showing 1:160 exposure to tick fever

November 2010

• Symptoms - yelping when hind legs are touched, inability to jump, hesitancy to exert any pressure on hind legs,
  
• Test Results - X-Rays taken indicated hip dysplasia
• Diagnosis - Hip Dysplasia
• Treatment - Rimadyl and Glucosamine/Chondroitin supplements.
  
• Comments - Rimadyl treatment was stopped, but we have continued the Glucosamine/Chondroitin supplements to promote joint health. No flare ups have occurred since this initial treatment of hip dysplasia.

Until...

Current Health Issues:

October 2011

• Symptoms - yelping when hind legs are touched, inability to jump, hesitancy to exert any pressure on hind legs, vomiting, diarrhea, loss of appetite, lethargy
• Test Results - X-Rays taken indicated NO hip dysplasia, still waiting for valley fever test results, going back to the vet today for additional screening because of onset of vomiting and diarrhea
  
• Diagnosis - None yet, our vet office is thinking Beagle Pain Syndrome if valley fever results are negative
  
• Treatment - None yet
  
• Comments - Deep in my gut I don't think it's Beagle Pain Syndrome especially since our dog had tick fever in the past and responded to treatment and had hip dysplasia in the past and responded to treatment. I am guessing that if the valley fever results are positive, then they will start treatment of that. But if negative, then I'm hoping they recheck for tick fever based on the similar symptoms. But if both tests are negative, I'm not really sure what is going on.

Any thoughts and/or suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,
Concerned Beagle Parent

beagle pain syndrome? what the...?!?!

Baby McG
Baby V is doing well. He has nearly doubled in weight over the past month and a half and is getting so chunky. I LOVE his little rolls. :-) Also, he is sleeping slightly longer in the night. I still have to get up to feed him in the middle of the night, but he has been really good lately and has been going straight back to sleep right after. And I know that will keep getting better. I just have to stick with it and be patient...and strong.

Papa McG
Joe is doing well (as far as I can see, at least). :-) He is a great father. I know, like me, he has countless lessons to learn...but he is great with V and he smiles every time Joe is near him. That little boy loves his daddy so much already.

Mama McG
Read the last post. Oh yeah...and also...I HATE that I have to go back to work. HATE IT!! Like I've said before, I actually do like my job. But nothing would make me happier than to be able to stay at home with V every day and help him grow.

Lucy McG
Lucy just turned 4 this past week...already!! And she is a great big sister to V and I can tell that they will be the GREATEST of friends. But she has had another health hiccup this week. :-(

Remember last winter when Lucy was diagnosed with hip dysplasia?

(Click HERE for a refresher)

Well, she ended up responding well to the initial treatment of it and has been asymptomatic since then. Until now. Just over this past weekend she has started to whimper when moving and shrieks in pain if her hips are touched. So while I stayed at home with the baby on Sunday, Joe took her to the vet to see what they could do for the flare up of her hip dysplasia.

Only...

They took more x-rays and the radiologist on Sunday said there was no hip dysplasia.

WHAT the @#$%?????

Yeah.

That was my reaction verbatim.

So they did some blood work to see if it's possibly valley fever (hope NOT!), and if that comes back negative then they think she might have something called Beagle Pain Syndrome.

Not kidding.

Apparently Beagle Pain Syndrome is a type of meningitis that causes pain with movement, anorexia, depression, hunched posture, and guarding of the neck and genital area. It can, apparently, affect dogs other than beagles, too. It's treatable with steroids.

But here's my "thing":

If they originally diagnosed hip dysplasia and that initial treatment worked and got rid of all symptoms for almost a year, why are they now saying that it's something completely different? What I want to know is why in the WORLD one x-ray would show hip dysplasia and then one year later another shows that it's magically gone. Sorry, people...but hip dysplasia doesn't work that way. It actually gets WORSE over time.

Right now, they are hoping to rule out valley fever and we are just waiting for the results. If it's negative, then they are thinking it's the Beagle Pain Syndrome. But what if they are wrong about this, too? Or maybe they weren't wrong and she really DOES have hip dysplasia.

See? Confusing!!

Now I'm just skeptical about everything.

We have a follow up appointment later this week, so stay tuned for some news. Until then, though, just keep her little painful beagle butt in your thoughts and prayers.