diaper dilemma

Okay. So. The word "dilemma" implies that there is a really big issue or concern about something. And in some eyes, this might not seem like a dilemma at all. But in mine it is.

So here goes...

Other than being terrible for the environment and just collecting dust in landfills, I have now learned that all disposable diapers test on animals.

Seriously.

And by "testing on animals", I don't mean that they put the diapers on the animals to make sure they fit. No. Not even close. What I mean by "testing on animals" is that they apparently have to test the toxicity of the gels that the diapers use to soak up the baby's waste.

And that disgusts me...especially since the term "toxicity" refers to the levels at which something is harmful or damaging to a living (or non-living, I guess) being. So, in the fullest sense of the word, they are using animals to test how harmful the chemicals in diapers are.

And that mental picture is so much more gross and disturbing that the dirtiest diaper mess.

I will admit - I really love disposable diapers because they are so quick and easy. And because V goes to a babysitter during the day, it's really the most convenient option to just hand his sitter a bag of diapers so she can change him while I am at work.

But now I am seriously thinking of possibly switching to cloth diapers for all the times that V is NOT at the sitter. I wouldn't be comfortable asking the sitter to use cloth diapers while he is under her care...but for the times before work, after work, and on the weekends...I am seriously considering it.

And like I said before, this might not seem like a dilemma at all. Besides, people use disposable diapers all the time. Our parents used them on us. We use them on V. Millions of other people use them on their children. It's completely normal and accepted.

But something in my gut now cringes knowing that it's so bad not only for the environment but for the lives of animals who don't even know what diapers are.

So now I will leave my questions for you...

What are your thoughts on using cloth diapers? Is it messier? More time consuming to clean? Does it cause more diaper rash?

And...in a family of parents who both work, is it really possible to switch to cloth diapers 100% of the time?

for the beauty of the earth

This Thanksgiving, I am reflecting on the fact that my eyes have been so opened to what it means to be truly "thankful". I can't possibly spend enough time talking about every single thing I am thankful for because I would be here for an eternity. But, most of all, I am thankful for...

My wonderful, loving husband who...no matter what we go through...is my rock in everything.

My sister-in-law who gave Joe her kidney a few years ago. I am seriously thankful for this every single day.

My beagle. Having never owned a dog before her, she has opened my eyes to unconditional love. I am truly blessed by her.

My family. To my parents and sister - there may only be 4 of us, but we are so strong, so close. And I am so thankful for the love we share. To my aunts, uncles, cousins and others - I don't see you nearly enough, but am thankful for every memory with you.

Joe's family. Even though we are so far away, you always remain so close to our hearts.

Health care.

My job.

My home.

Our earth.

My freedoms.

And last, but DEFINITELY not least...my perfect, healthy, angelic, and amazingly beautiful son.



For the beauty of the earth, for the beauty of the skies,
For the love which from our birth over and around us lies,
Lord of all, to thee we raise this our grateful hymn of praise.

For the beauty of each hour of the day and of the night,
Hill and vale, and tree and flower, sun and moon and stars of light,
Lord of all, to thee we raise this our grateful hymn of praise.

For the joy of human love, brother, sister, parent, child,
Friends on earth, and friends above, pleasures pure and undefiled,
Lord of all, to thee we raise this our grateful hymn of praise.

excerpt from:
"For the Beauty of the Earth"
by Folliott S. Pierpoint

Happy Thanksgiving!

breast or bottle?

For the past several days, I have been put on a couple medications that were necessary for my health, but not so great for my baby's. What that means, is that I have had to stop nursing Baby McG since Saturday and won't be able to start again until Thursday when the meds are out of my system.

It has been hard not being able to nurse him for the past few days and this made me realize how much I enjoy nursing him. That may strike some of you as weird. And it actually struck me as weird at first, too, because I honestly didn't think I would like breastfeeding.

In fact, I never really thought much about breastfeeding before. Not until my OB/GYN during my pregnancy and the doctors at the hospital asked "Are you going to do breast or bottle?" Without hesitation, I would always answer "breast" without even thinking about it. I don't know why, really. I could have easily chosen to formula feed. And I never read anything or heard anything that influenced my decision at all. But "breast" was just always my answer. I guess I just felt, deep down, that that is the way it's supposed to be. That that is what is expected. So yeah...that was always my answer, without a second thought.

Now, I am in NO WAY AT ALL passing judgement on those who formula feed their babies because we have formula fed ours, too. But during these few days when I have been forced to "pump and dump" and feed the baby a mixture of formula and milk that I've stored, I realized how much nursing has helped me in bonding with my baby. And it makes me wonder that if I chose to do formula feeding from the beginning if I would not have bonded with him in the same way.

Like I said, I am not passing judgement...I am only speaking what is true for me and am truly curious about what motivates others. So, to those mothers out there, here are my questions for you...

What were your reasons for choosing breast or bottle? And...do you feel that either choice has influenced how you bonded with your child(ren)?

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randomness. dig it.

Since our last blog post, I have had a million things I've wanted to blog about. But since I have spent the last 2 weeks getting back in the swing of things at work and still getting used to motherhood (will I ever get used to it?), the last thing I want to do when I get home is blog.

In fact, there actually really is no time to blog about everything I have wanted to - going back to work, balancing baby life with work life and home life, No Shave November, how stores start decorating for Christmas the day after Halloween, how much I love this time of year, my goal to not procrastinate shopping this year, how we might need a new car soon, how we can't afford a new car or christmas presents right now because i haven't been paid for 2 months, etc. etc.

Okay.

Looking back over that list, maybe it's a good thing there was no time to blog about it.

But I DO want to talk about a camping trip we took last weekend. It was our first camping trip since the 4th of July weekend, and our first camping trip with Vincent. I will admit. I was VERY nervous about it since he is just barely 3 months old this week.

Joe's parents were in town from New England and my parents went with us as well. After all, it was both our parents who created the love of camping in each of us. So it was quite the family trip. And Vincent was an angel. He was so quite the entire trip and just loved being outdoors.

For me, it was definitely exhausting. Very nice and peaceful. But exhausting. I remember camping trips where I could just sit and relax and breathe in the smell of nature with no distractions at all. It was still mostly like that, except now there are distractions. Now I'm not saying that having Vincent there was a bad thing. Quite the opposite, actually. I look forward to taking him camping as much as possible so that he can enjoy it with us. But it was just different this time around. And having a small baby meant that I could never really FULLY 100% relax.

You know?

But what I think is the coolest thing about this trip is that Vincent was able to be in the same place at the same time with ALL of his grandparents. When people have children when they are super young, this might not seem like that abnormal of a thing. But my mother had me at about the same age I am now, and I was never able to be with all of my grandparents at the same time. I was unfortunate to never even meet one of them because he had passed away long before my birth. And Joe never met all of his grandparents either. Is this really that abnormal? Or is it just abnormal for me and Joe?

Anyway, I just thought it was the coolest thing, and something that we'll be able to tell Vincent for years to come. That his first camping trip ever was spent with his parents and ALL of his grandparents (and Lucy, too, of course!). And let me tell you this...this kid's grandparents love the crap out of him. He is one really lucky little boy.

Seriously. How cool is this?

Grandma K, Grandma M, Vincent (sleeping), Grandpa M, Grandpa K

can i be one of the 1%?.....pretty please?!?!

I have a feeling that every new mother, at some point, loathes the idea of going back to work after spending precious time with her newborn. And now that Baby McG is out of the newborn phase and in the really cute I-wanna-smile-all-the-time-and just-stare-at-my-mommy-and-daddy phase, all I want to do is stay at home with him. But, financially speaking, bills are really tight right now and going back to work this week is really a necessity for us.

But it's still heartbreaking.

He has grown so much in the past few weeks...and not just his belly size. :-) He has become so happy, so smiley, so interactive. He's also really inquisitive and loves staring straight at the camera to figure out what it is (since I always put it right in front of his face). He loves staring at his hand and trying to figure out what that is, too. And if you talk to him and ask him a question, he'll respond with a cute little coo. He's just getting so fun to be around!

And I want to be around him all the time.

During the first week and a half I would have never thought these words would come out of my mouth, but now...even his cries are cute! Annoying at times, but cute as hell.

But...back to work I go. If I was one of the lucky One Percent of people in the world who were super wealthy, then I would stay at home with him in a heartbeat. Not a second thought. I would have to be organized like a teacher and really develop him until he starts going to school, but I would love every second of it.

I love the crap out of this kid!

Weird expression, I know...but everything he does makes me so happy.

I know, I know.

You're probably thinking "blah blah blah BLAH blahblah Blah blah blaaaahhh!"

But I am just feeling really bitterwseet about going back to work tomorrow. It will be nice to get back to work, be around adults during the day, and make money again to help with new expenses...but I am also just sad about leaving him with another person.

The sitter we found actually comes highly recommended and is great with children. And I have no doubts that he will get anything less than great care. But, as a mother, I am just worried that he won't get as much loving attention as I know I would give him. Also, I am worried that I will miss important milestones. Like...if I pick him up one day and they tell me he sat up on his own, or said his first word, or took his first step, I think I would feel very sad that I was not there to witness it. Is that stupid?

Anyway.

I'll get over it. And I'll drop him off tomorrow. And I'll go to work and then pick him up afterwards. Just like every other working mother out there. I just wish I had the option of staying with him all day.

I love this little dude with every ounce of my body. I know he doesn't know what love is yet, but I hope that I can show it to him as best I can.

what NOT to ask a pregnant woman

Looking back on my pregnancy, it's interesting to me how much people LOVE pregnant women. I'm not kidding. When people find out you're pregnant it's seriously the most awesome thing in the world to them. People always have such happy things to say when you're pregnant...and they also have a million questions for you as well.

Questions like "How are you feeling?" and "Do you know if you're having a boy or girl?" and "What are you going to name your baby?" are questions you should really get used to when you're pregnant because you will probably hear each of those questions at least a million times a day.

But there are other things people may say to you or ask you that may catch you by surprise. The following is a list of those questions and my reactions to them:

Question/Statement:
"So...is this pregnancy a good thing?"

• How I would have responded if I was mean: No. Absolutely not. It's awful......OF COURSE IT'S A GOOD THING!!!
• My actual response: I seriously have been asked this before by one of the ultrasound technicians at the hospital. I didn't really understand what she was asking at first, but then I realized that she actually probably sees a lot of patients who are NOT happy about having a baby. That makes me a little sad.

Question/Statement:
"Maybe you're having twins!?"

• How I would have responded if I was mean: Well...maybe you should not call me "fat"? Because that's pretty much what you're saying, right? That I look fat enough to be having twins? Nope. That's not twins. That's just one HUGE little butterball and a lot of extra maternal storage tissue, thankyouverymuch.
• My actual response: Nope...just one baby. Not sure if I could handle two.

Question/Statement:
"You look really swollen!"

• How I would have responded if I was mean: Really? Are you sure I'm really swollen? I mean, I didn't notice any swelling when I put on my shoes this morning and could barely squeeze my entire foot into the shoe. And I don't notice any swelling when I stretch my legs and feet and can feel the tightness and strain due to all the bloating. And I certainly don't notice any swelling whenever I cross my legs and see a huge gash from where my leg was resting. And I definitely don't notice any swelling when I look in the mirror. I mean...are you sure I'm really swollen?
• My actual response: Yeah...it totally sucks. My ankles are non-existent now.

Question/Statement:
"You're pregnant? WHAT!? I couldn't even tell!"

• How I would have responded if I was mean: This is pretty much the same as calling me fat. Why? I'll tell you. Firstly, I definitely look pregnant. I mean, I don't normally carry around a belly the size of a watermelon. So, secondly, by saying you can't tell that I'm pregnant, while very nice as a gesture, is pretty much just the same as saying "You look really pregnant, but I'm going to be nice and say that you don't look pregnant at all."
• My actual response: Yep! It's really exciting! Weird...and different. But really exciting!!

Question/Statement:
"Are you really going to eat that whole sandwich/pizza/ice cream?"

• How I would have responded if I was mean: This is pretty much the same as calling me fat, too...and my answer will probably always be "Yes I'm going to eat the whole thing. Do you have a PROBLEM with that?"
• My actual response: Yes I'm going to eat the whole thing. Do you have a PROBLEM with that?

Question/Statement:
"You better enjoy your sleep while you can!"

• How I would have responded if I was mean: Really? And you think I'm enjoying sleep now? With a ginormous belly that prevents me from sleeping in pretty much every position and a bladder that screams to be emptied every hour on the hour? Yeah. Not so much. But thanks for pointing out that I have to look forward to MORE sleeplessness.
• My actual response: Yeah. I'm not sure how that will be, but I'm sure I will not be getting much sleep for awhile.
  

Question/Statement:
"Enjoy your freedom while you can. You know...you can't do _____ with a baby."

• How I would have responded if I was mean: Like heck we can't! We are taking this baby anywhere we want to and doing anything we want to. We will be forming this young little child to our lives, not the other way around. But, once again, thanks for trying to point out something negative about having a child. I really like that. A lot.
• My actual response: Like heck we can't! We are taking this baby anywhere we want to and doing anything we want to. We will be forming this young little child to our lives, not the other way around.
  

Question/Statement:
"Can I touch/rub/kiss your belly?"

• How I would have responded on a bad day: Can I touch/rub/kiss yours? Unless I know you really well and you and me are "tight" like that...don't ask. And speaking of the belly, try not to look at it too much either. I know it's huge. I know it's sticking out there. But when the first thing people do is look straight at my belly fat BEFORE they look at me or say "hi", it's just kind of not cool. I know it's exciting there's a little dude chilling out in my uterus, but my face is up here.
• My actual response: Umm...I would prefer if you didn't. Baby's sleeping right now. :-)
  

Question/Statement:
"How are you feeling?"**

• How I would have responded on a bad day: I'm feeling fine. Well, actually...no I'm not, now that I'm thinking about it. Remember when you told me before how fat I was (when you asked if I was having twins/knew I was so swollen/eating the entire refrigerator/etc.)? Well, yeah...I'm feeling fat. HUGE, actually. And it hurts. I know it's "for a good cause" and I'm "not fat [I'm] pregnant". But it really does hurt. Mostly my knees, actually. So much so that my knees spasm in pain every time I get up or down from a chair/car/bed/floor. And it also hurts because my feet can barely fit into my shoes. Which means: "Yes...I am VERY swollen." And speaking of swelling, did you know that in order to keep swelling down I actually have drink MORE water than normal? This seems kind of ironic since swelling is water retention. But yeah, I'm supposed to drink craploads of water to help keep the swelling from getting worse. Which...yep! You guessed it! Makes me have to pee every hour! It's super fun. Especially when I want to get a good night's sleep but I know that I can't because of how I'm so large, swollen, and filled with pee waiting to explode if I don't get up a million times each night. But the constant peeing is actually not that big of a deal compared to all the gas, acid reflux, hemorrhoids, and stretch marks. I mean, did you know that drinking WATER can give a pregnant lady gas? Yeah...water. And salad can, too. And actually anything that a pregnant lady digests gets turned into gas. An.Y.Thing. And because of all the pressure in the abdomen, bowel movements become less regular and there is so much less space for things, so acid reflux and hemmorhoids are born. And you don't even want me to go into more detail than that. Trust me. So, speaking of gas and hemmorhoids and acid reflux...do you still want to rub my belly and tell me to enjoy sleep and doing things while I can? Yeah. Didn't think so.
• My actual response: I'm feeling fine.

** "How are you feeling?" is actually totally a decent question to ask. I am just being a beotch.

you are my sunshine

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine

you make me happy when skies are grey


you'll never know, dear, how much i love you


please don't take my sunshine away