can i be one of the 1%?.....pretty please?!?!

I have a feeling that every new mother, at some point, loathes the idea of going back to work after spending precious time with her newborn. And now that Baby McG is out of the newborn phase and in the really cute I-wanna-smile-all-the-time-and just-stare-at-my-mommy-and-daddy phase, all I want to do is stay at home with him. But, financially speaking, bills are really tight right now and going back to work this week is really a necessity for us.

But it's still heartbreaking.

He has grown so much in the past few weeks...and not just his belly size. :-) He has become so happy, so smiley, so interactive. He's also really inquisitive and loves staring straight at the camera to figure out what it is (since I always put it right in front of his face). He loves staring at his hand and trying to figure out what that is, too. And if you talk to him and ask him a question, he'll respond with a cute little coo. He's just getting so fun to be around!

And I want to be around him all the time.

During the first week and a half I would have never thought these words would come out of my mouth, but now...even his cries are cute! Annoying at times, but cute as hell.

But...back to work I go. If I was one of the lucky One Percent of people in the world who were super wealthy, then I would stay at home with him in a heartbeat. Not a second thought. I would have to be organized like a teacher and really develop him until he starts going to school, but I would love every second of it.

I love the crap out of this kid!

Weird expression, I know...but everything he does makes me so happy.

I know, I know.

You're probably thinking "blah blah blah BLAH blahblah Blah blah blaaaahhh!"

But I am just feeling really bitterwseet about going back to work tomorrow. It will be nice to get back to work, be around adults during the day, and make money again to help with new expenses...but I am also just sad about leaving him with another person.

The sitter we found actually comes highly recommended and is great with children. And I have no doubts that he will get anything less than great care. But, as a mother, I am just worried that he won't get as much loving attention as I know I would give him. Also, I am worried that I will miss important milestones. Like...if I pick him up one day and they tell me he sat up on his own, or said his first word, or took his first step, I think I would feel very sad that I was not there to witness it. Is that stupid?

Anyway.

I'll get over it. And I'll drop him off tomorrow. And I'll go to work and then pick him up afterwards. Just like every other working mother out there. I just wish I had the option of staying with him all day.

I love this little dude with every ounce of my body. I know he doesn't know what love is yet, but I hope that I can show it to him as best I can.